A MAN WHO PLANS TO ENTER INTO A MARRIAGE

A man who plans to enter into a marriage should first equip himself with information on the importance of a nikâh, on how to make a nikâh, on how he should sort out his priorities in choosing the girl he is to marry, and on his duties and responsibilities towards his wife and children and kinsfolk. Two of the sources that will be of great help to him in learning these things are the booklets entitled Murshid-ul-muteehhilîn and Murshid-un-nisâ, both of which were written (in the Turkish language) by Muhammad bin Qutb-ud-dîn Iznîkî (of Nicea), (d. 885 [1480 A.D.], Edirne, Turkey.)

A married man should be affable and warm with his wife. He should be patient with her incorrect or illogical behaviour. He should talk softly and sweetly with her. He should humble himself to her mental level, making jokes and playing games with her. He should be as generous as possible concerning food and clothes. He should make sure that she learns the Islamic teachings that are farz for women to know, buying Islamic books written by true Islamic scholars who obey Islam, and making her read them. If he has more than one wives, he should be fair and even-handed with them. All we have so far advised are acts of sunnat. In matters concerning the clothes his wife wears and the manner and frequency of her going out, he should be neither too rigid nor too lukewarm. He should take utmost care in avoiding situations wherein he and/or his wife would be vulnerable to dubiety and calumny. He should not send his wife to places where there are men nâ-mahram to her, and he should prevent her from seeing nâ- mahram men. Housework should be her favourite occupation. He should never treat her harshly. Whether as a joke or as a blaze of anger, he should by no means make mention of words such as ‘divorce’ and ‘new marriage’.